THE TOP 10 SIGNS (more or less)

That you have the wrong fuel.

13. At first you didn't notice the asterik after the large print on the label which states, "Guaranteed 4 2 4 break.*" However, you now discover the fine print which reads: * " Tests show that 424 engines out of 1000 using this fuel will break. "

12. You have always known that some manufacturers "fudge" on their nitro content, but after buying a jug of what at first appeared to be a bargain priced jug of fuel labeled "10% nitro", you now discover that the manufacturer admits that only 10% of the jugs of his fuel CONTAIN Nitro.

11. When ordering fuel, you have always gotten by before by specifying only the nitro and oil content. This time you are not so sure, however, when the fuel arrives and you notice high on the list of ingredients is one called, "water".

10. The label on the jug said "This fuel has lots of pop", but after a disappointing engine run you reread the label and notice it says, "Bottled by the Coca-Cola Bottling Co".

9. When you bought the fuel, you thought the label said, "Powermaster", but on closer inspection you now realize it says, "Powersister".

8. You give your fuel jug a mild shake and suddenly discover that it has more foam that a pitcher of Budwiser.

7. You buy a new brand of fuel called "Bond's Brew," but after an erratic engine run you notice that the label reads, "Shaken, not stirred." (Thanks to an idea from George Bain.)

6. When you bought that Russian engine, you also purchased their recommended fuel. But after running a couple of jugs through the engine and noticing it has developed an eerie glow, you also notice for the first time on the label where it says, "Made in Chenoble."

5. In spite of your apprehensions, your fuel provider assures you that the fact the oil has separated and floated to the top is a feature of their quality control allowing each purchaser to measure the oil content for himself.

4. You buy a gallon of "Witch's Brew" thinking it is just a misprint of "Rich's Brew", that is, until you look at the ingredients and read "eye of newt, wing of bat, 10 screams from a Fox at midnight,..." (Thanks to Steve Berry.)

3. You suddenly realize that peculiar "sludge" build up around the cowling is actually your engine's cylinder head! (Thanks to Leonard Brown.)

2. You refuel the plane, and the engine runs away. No, really, it runs away! (Thanks to an idea from Will Simcock.)

And the number one sign is:

1. After the big castor oil scare on the Internet, your fuel provider just said, "Don't worry, bean oil is bean oil." But you begin to wonder when you notice the number one ingredient listed on the label is "Van Camps".

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